As of today, I am turning over a new leaf. Or more correctly, I’m dusting off the old leaf that I turned over at the start of the year, and turning it over again. I actually feel quite strong of willpower again, for the first time in ages, and today will be a no chocolate day. I think that writing yesterday’s post was exactly what I needed, which I suppose was the whole point of the website in the first place. Also, and most importantly, this morning I cycled to work. Not having cycled any great distance for the last few years (and given that I was riding Ellen’s ladies bike) I was expecting it to be a lot harder work than it was. I covered a journey that usually takes the bus 45 minutes in half an hour, and according to NutraCheck, by cycling to and from work today I will have burned an additional 656 calories. Which is not too shabby.

The only thing that worries me is the hillyness of the journey. On the way in this morning it was very up and down, but it was far more down than up. This is all weel and good of course, until you go in the other direction. I imagine that the ride back will be much much harder, but then the only way to look at that is that it will be a lot more calories burnt. I really want to shift the extra weight I have put back on as quickly as possible, and experience has shown that that shouldn’t be too hard, but I now have a stone and a half to go overall, rather than the single stone that was my target only a month back. But I feel like I have turned a corner again. May was a write off, but as long as I stop the decline, it’s not a wasted month. If nothing else, I can take from it a reminder that I do have the willpower to continue. Or at least that’s the theory. One day does not a turnaround make. But it’s a start.

I’m not going to sugar coat it. It’s all gone a bit wrong. Since moving into the new house my seemingly temporary blip has turned into a full blown collapse. In the last month I have put back on 6 pounds, and have spent most of my days eating ridiculous amounts of chocolate at work and not keeping any track of my calorie intake. Every day I resolve to start again, but then as the day wears on I think that maybe I’ll start again the next day. On top of this my exercise has gone down to zero, given that I no longer walk to work. All in all, the only thing I can really say is still going is the Smoking. Somehow the one aspect of this radical life change that I thought would be impossible is now the one thing that I no longer even have to think about. I could just walk away now and call it a victory, but it doesn’t feel that way.

The worst part about this is that it really shows how hard it is to keep up with this. I had hoped that after five months of healthy eating that the changes would automatically become a permanent fixture, that I would no longer crave the takeaway pizza or the Kit Kat chunky. But I do, and I don’t know if that will ever change. Even if I can kickstart this whole thing, how can I make sure that come the end of the year I don’t just fall back into old habits. I suspect that that will have to wait for further examination, at the moment I just really need to get back on the wagon. The first part of dealing with a problem is to admit to it, as the alcoholics are so fond of telling us, and I think I just did. Whether or not I can move forward from this and get back on track is another matter.

And yet again I attempt to make this site hobble along….

Apologies once again for the lack of updates, I’m still very much in a place right now where the diet is on again/off again. That’s not to say that it’s been abandoned, but there are a lot of days when I am not as good as I should be. Today for instance. I slept in, and as such didn’t have time to make my lunch before work, so I’ve been naughtier than I should have been. I am not going overboard, I’m not putting weight on, but I’m not losing any more either.

But then again, for the moment I’m not all that concerned. In a few weeks Ellen and I will be moving house, so for the meantime the stress involved in that is pushing the diets a bit into the background. Ellen is doing better than I am, but I think we both agree that it’s not really the most important thing at the moment. The good news though is that when we move into the new house, both of us will be getting bikes to start to cycle to work, and for each of us this means a dramatic upturn in the amount of exercise we will be doing, so that should really start to get things moving again. So to speak.

So we’re still here. Still going, but bear with us until we get our rather chaotic lives sorted and we can really focus on this again. This is a year of renewal and change for us, and this health adventure is only one part of it. At the moment the other parts of it will have to take precedent.

It’s been hard to get enthused over the last few weeks and so apologies for the lack of recent updating action, but for the first time this year my weight has gone up. Since my miraculous and illness influenced drop to 13 stone my weight went straight back up to 13.3, and for the last two weeks it has hovered around this area. On Saturday for my weigh in I had gone back down to 13, but then by the next day I was back up again.

As for the reasons for this, well firstly I think that when I got that far down it was at the end of a pretty nasty illness, but when my body adjusted to me eating food again it just went straight back up again. On top of that I have to admit that I’ve been pretty rubbish on both the food and exercise front. I haven’t been sticking to my calorie counts particularly rigidly, but this wouldn’t be so much of an issue if I had been doing my exercises as well. But aside from a couple of evenings last week I’ve been failing to do them as well.

There is another thing that I think is having a bit of a random effect as well. My weekly weight in is on a Saturday morning, and most weeks Ellen and I will celebrate the impending weekend with a drink on a Friday night. Obviously with the diet we tend to stick to spirits and a bit of wine rather than beer, but although these drinks are still quite calorific, I’ve noticed that on the morning after a hefty few drinks, my weight is always artificially lower than it should be. I suppose this is to do with the dehydrating effects of the drinking, but it means that often I think I am doing better than I am. For instance this Saturday morning I was back down (just) to 13.0 stone, but by the following morning I was back up to 13.2. I think that from now on I am going to change my weigh in morning to the day of the weekend which doesn’t start with a hangover, and stop kidding myself as to how well I am doing.

The truth is that the enthusiasm has gone a little over the last few weeks. One thing that was really lovely was a couple of weeks back when I went out with my friends and they all seemed genuinely surprised by how much weight I had lost, and were very ego boosting about the whole thing. But I knew in my heart of hearts that I had just finished a bad week, and instead of kicking me up the arse I think it actually made me a bit more complacent.

This is the really tough thing about this sort of challenge. It’s a full year of trying to keep a mental discipline towards your entire life, and the longer it goes on, the harder it gets. There are so many times when I just want to cave in. But so far, as much as I’m not doing great, I haven’t buckled and entirely given in. But I must be stronger. I need to regain the mental discipline that I had in the first few months, not just for the whole of this endeavour, but for all the other challenges I have set myself for this year. I’ve been falling back on all of them and if this year is going to be as life changing as I hope, then I am going to need to pick myself out of this temporary rut.  And so tonight I have stuck to the diet (and had a lovely mushroom and bacon stroganoff in the process) and now I am going to do some long overdue exercise.

Back when we first started this in January, my starting weight was just over 15 stone, and rather arbitrarily I decided that my target weight loss for the full year would be 3 stone, taking me to a far more svelte 12 stone.  This would put my BMI into the area of the chart that doesn’t scream ‘fattie’ at you.

Now, as we enter the fourth month of the challenge, I am pleased to report that I have lost my second full stone, as my weekly weigh in put me at 12.13 and a half.  Needless to say, I am rather chuffed with this, even if I do know that a large chunk of that came as a result of being ill recently, but I’ll take it gladly.  So now the focus moves onto the final stone.

By all accounts, this is where it starts to get hard, although the fact that I still have a full nine months to lose that fianl stone does take the pressure a little bit.  But this was never about a specific weight goal for me, the final aim for me is to be able to look in the mirror and be happy and proud.  I may be two stone down but I am still a long way away from being the person I want to be.  Case in point being that yesterday I trimmed my beard back a little more than normal yesterday, thinking that perhaps I had lost enough weight that my double chin had utterly disappeared.  It hasn’t, and it’s little things like that which mean that I know I still have a very long way to go.

One thing that is not going so well, however, is the exercise regime.  The whole of the last week has been a write off, I was just far too ill to do anything.  I had hoped to get back into it over this long easter weekend, but today I woke up having apparantly done something wrong in my sleep (how does that happen?), and my back is screaming at me like a small and terrified monkey, so it doesn’t seem all that likely.  The truth is though that I really am going to need to start soon, as I’m not going to get in shape otherwise.

Saturday morning saw me awaken with an abnormally scratchy throat, something I don’t generally suffer from any more as a non-smoker (and if I sound smug it’s because I bloody well am) but by the end of the day it had escalated from that into what appeared at the time to be a full body shut down, with sore neck, splitting headache, full body ache and a fever of 101.  As it transpires it was a viral throat infection and as a result I have spent the last four days unable to do,well, anything.

So for the last few days as well as not being able to listen to music, go to work, or be an effective Dad, I’ve not been able to do any of the new exercise regime at all.  But on top of that I’ve also not been able to eat anything.  The thought of passing any food through what used to be my throat was too off putting, so for three days my total daily calorie intake was pretty much limited to whatever was in the water and medicine I was taking.  As a result, I lost a grand total of 5 pounds in 4 days, putting me down to 13.3 stone.  Another two pounds and I will have lost two stone since I started.

Now don’t get me wrong, I in no way advocate starvation as a way to lose weight, nor would I wish to go through the hell of the last few days again, at least not without a few new DVD’s to watch, but you know, every cloud has a silver lining, so let me keep this one?

Hello there! Yes, that’s right, Ellen and I are back from Amsterdam.  And yes, thank you, we did have a lovely time, and we ate our body weight at least twice a day for the duration of the whole trip.  I’m not going to dwell too much on the trip itself, as I’ll be doing a pretty exhaustive review of the whole shebang over on my other blog.  But in terms of the food, any attempts that we made to try and be sensible went out of the window around the time we sat down for our first meal on the Monday night.  After that it was hearty meal followed by beer followed by hearty meal and rinse repeat until we came back.

In fact, despite all our protestations that we would be back on the diet as soon as we boarded the plane, we couldn’t help it when we got to Leeds train station and ended up binging on a Burger King meal, which despite tasting at the time like the last meals of the condemned, were actually deeply unsatisfying and bland.  So after all that you can understand that we were both a bit reticent to step back onto the scales after six days of mass consumption.  We needn’t have been though, it turned out that all of that abuse had led to me putting on a pound and a half, and Ellen remaining the same (she was a little less gung ho than I, and also had the benefit of her magic pills) but for both of us it couldn’t really have been any better.  And we both agreed that after eating so much, it would almost be a relief to go back onto the diet.

So this weekend we’ve been going back onto the regime, and as well as this I have decided to step up the exercise regime.  I mentioned before that I may be deciding to do yet another stupid challenge, and while I still have not decided 100% whether or not to do it, I may as well tell you that the challenge in question would be the York 10k Run For All, which is (as you can probably discern) a 10k run through York.  This would represent a huge challenge for me, seeing as I haven’t run any further than for a bus since I left school, and could well be described as chronically unfit.  The exercises I have been doing so far have started to turn the tide a little, but not enough to enable me to do anything on this scale.

So yesterday, I headed into town and loaded up on chavtastic running bottoms and running shoes, and also got some weights and one of those bizarre Abdotrim things that make sit-ups look easier but don’t actually make the act of doing them any easier, mainly for Ellen.  I had intended to start the running yesterday, but after carrying all that stuff home (including 54kg of weights) I was positively knackered.

So today I dressed up in all of my finery (as shown above, and don’t I look lovely!), and embarked upon a short run.  I had done a bit of research into starting to run, and the general consensus was to start off with a five minute walk, then jog for either a minute or two, then walk for two minutes, and repeat that cycle for half an hour.  So off I set, feeling like a complete pillock in my get up, staring at the CardioTrainer App every 30 seconds, until I had walked for five minutes, and then I proceeded to run.

For the first 30 seconds I was fine, then the whole of my body seemed to start screaming at me to stop.  Anyway, the first run lasted for 1.15.  Then I managed a 1.30, and a 1.45, but then it was a struggle to do over a minute.  But still, I managed to keep it going for a full half hour, running every third minute.  According to the CardioTrainer I went a total of 3.4km in 33 minutes, travelling an average of 6kph and burning a total of 198 calories.  So not too bad.  But I have a long way to go before I am ready to decide whether I can do this run.  Certainly I will be doing something before the end of the year, but I am going to keep up with the running for a few weeks and see how it goes before I make any concrete decisions.

Today Ellen and I are off on holiday for five days to Amsterdam, and after careful consideration (by which I mean one quick conversation where we were in total agreement) we have decided to suspend the diet for the duration.  Not completely, we are going to try and remain sensible, not piling in and out of cake shops, but we’re not going to calorie count or focus on it too much.  Of course we will be indulging in large amounts of beer (I’m especially happy about this, I haven’t actually had a beer this year) and um, other ‘intoxicants’ the latter of which have a tendency to make you want to eat lots of food, so we’ll have to see how that goes.

The rules of this suspension are simple; it lasts from the moment that we take off from Leeds Bradford, until the time that we land there again on Friday.  As long as we are in the UK we are still on a diet.  So this morning we have made our lunches with the same low calorie focus we would do any other day.  Of course the chances are that when we come back we will find that we’ve undone some of the good work that we have done over th last month or so, but it’s our holiday, and I have no intention of spending all that money  to go somewhere and spend the whole time thinking I can’t do this or that, in case it is high calorie.  Of course this also means no updates for a week, but I promise tales of gluttony on our return.

One of the things that’s become more and more apparent to me as I go through this whole process is how easy it is to lose yourself in it, and find yourself obsessing more and more about every detail.  For instance, in my last post I mentioned that I had lost a stone and a half at my weekly weigh in.  All very good.  But I don’t only check my weight on the weekly weigh in.  Oh no, we’ve got a lovely new set of weightwatchers scales and they are far too enticing, sat there wantonly on the floor every time you go in the bedroom, beckoning you to jump on and see how you are doing.

And so you start to measure every day, sometimes two or three times during the day.  Absolutely pointless, of course, since during the day your weight fluctuates hugely, due in intake, output, exercise, fluid input etc.  And so you cannot stop checking something you know to be of no use to you.  But it’s like an addiction.

So anyway, the morning after my miraculous milestone in weight loss, I woke up and instinctively went on the scales, only to find to my horror that in a single day I had put on a pound and a half.  Normally this wouldn’t bother me, as I know this happens all the time, but on this day it really bugged me.  I had just hit my milestone damnit, and wasn’t about to see it go away again.  And besides, it was a weekend day, and so rather than simply muttering under my breath and getting ready to go to work, I had time for the argument to fester.  And then I spent the next half an hour trying to do anything I could to rid myself of this pound and a half.

Having lost a pound through the traditional methodology (sorry if this is starting to gross you out) I still had half a pound to go.  So I looked at my face, which was in need of a beard trim. Perfect.  And so I spent the next half an hour trimming my beard down, probably further than was strictly necessary (and leaving a slightly unfortunate chunk missing in the process) not because I needed a trim, but to see if it could put me over the edge, back to the weight that had given me so much pleasure the day before.

The weirdest thing of all this is that it actually worked, returning me to the glorious total of a day previous.  Totally ridiculous, of course, and it meant nothing in terms of the fact that my weigh in that counts was still a further six days ahead, but it goes to show the levels of crazy that this sort of challenge can do to you.

So anyway.  I am still trying to get to grips with what exactly this site is, now that it’s just me doing it.  I have some ideas, as well as the potential ‘big thing’ as mentioned in the last post.  I still don’t want to say too much, as I haven’t really made any final decisions, but in the meantime, there is a decision to be made about who I would be doing ‘this thing’ for in terms of charity, and I am looking for suggestions.  Most of you will know by now that this isn’t my main blog, and I’m looking at this issue a bot more over there.  If you have any thoughts or suggestions, please go here and let me know. (Yes, I know it’s a bit weird sending you from one blog to another, just roll with it, ok?)

First things first.  Today I measured my weight (Saturday morning is my official weekly weigh-in time) and I have now achieved a total weight loss of a stone and a half!  So the momentum is back with me again.  I must admit that there was a while there when I was starting to lose faith in this whole process, with nearly a month with no weight loss.  But the movement is back with me again.

As for what has caused the turnaround, it could be the fact that I’ve signed up with Nutracheck, and as a result I am watching what I eat a lot closer than I was, amd on their recommendation I also have a much lower calorie target.  It could be that I have now really started to get into the exercise regime that I mentioned.  I am really starting to notice a difference too.

And now for the bad news.  I am sad to say that Ellen has decided not to carry on with the website side of things.  She is still carrying on with the whole idea, but she was never really all that sold on the idea of the website itself.  And so now you’re stuck with me.  I now appear to have two blogs all to myself.  Oh well.  I’m going to keep this place going as a journal of the year, but I’m sure you’ll understand if it doesn’t get updated as much as I’d like.

Also, I am formulating a way at the moment to make the whole thing  bit more interesting.  Don’t want to give too much away but stay tuned for an announcement soon.

-Paul (gonna dispense with these tags after this, it’s always gonna be me now)